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In the back of a little girl’s mind, she has come across the thought of marriage. Whether it be related to a big beautiful dress she’ll wear or the magical horse she’ll ride off on with her husband. As time turns and these young children grow into adults, the concept of nuptial agreements has been coated with micro and macro influences. Typically marriage between two people is not really between two people.
It involves the thoughts and emotions of many other individuals and processes. Whether it be a parent or the government, you alone are not the only one who has a say in the marriage process. But family and the constitution are far from being the only other hierarchical factors in choosing a mate and the appropriate time for saying, “I do.” Culture, cohort, puberty, and other life events are highly involved in the way people perceive appropriate timings for certain events, such as marriage.
Social and physical times are often blurred by society and it’s because of one main reason: the fact that we have internalized so many aspects of social time. Physical time is, simply put, a fixed and uninfluenced turn of events. For instance, the speed of light… it is something that is not created or molded by humans. Do you suppose time is physical? It has physical aspects to it doesn’t it… it seems fixed, unchangeable? But as surprising as it may be, time is not physical, rather it is quite the social framework. Humans made 60 minutes and called it an hour, then decided 24 hours will complete a day and 7 days will complete a week. A proper comparison to the influence from society on time is the mark in history, during the French Revolution, when 10-day weeks were marked. Though this idea did not last long, the idea confirms societal dependence on social and economical tides. Even mental age is socially susceptible to change. This is crucial to point out because of the differences in culture we will further discuss from east to west.
Here we will discuss the reasoning behind certain social opinions and how the Western Social Clock (WSC) differs from the South Asian Social Clock (SASC).
The Macro System
Children in the US begin school at age 5. Children in Pakistan begin at age 3 or 4. Most European countries end primary education at the age of 16. Students in the US receive their high school diplomas at the age of 18. Voting rights are given to young ones at the age of 18, as well, here. The legal age to get married without parental consent, in most American states, is 18. In China its 22 for men and 20 for women.
Legislation, amendments, public access to certain levels of achievement. They all play an astounding role in an individual’s life, decisions, and perceptions. The law proposing statutory rape stating that if a man (18 years +) has physical (even though consensual) relations with a 16-year old girl, it construes immoral and illegal behavior. How many of you know of a 16-year old female who married an 18+ year old male? I can name one, and both the individuals and their parents consented to it… with joy. This couple has been married now for over 7 years and has 3 wonderful children. Does it make it immoral? Perhaps the influences of statutory rape or legal-age-to-be-married-laws do make it immoral, but what if these laws were different? Or didn’t exist at all. Sometimes all it has to do with is perception.
In China, the lawful ages to marry are much higher than in America, but maybe it has to do with the political and economical situation that the government faces. As the most populated country in the world, China’s government has tried to restrict the number of children allowed to be born in the nation, but there are other ways to reduce reproduction. Some solutions? Later marriage… more time to think about one’s career. More time to think about career… less one wants a family. More goals for a career … the less time for family. Not to say they won’t want one eventually and seek one eventually, it’s just that their reproductive clock will be reduced too and Chinese women will not have enough time to have more than a couple of offsprings.
As you can see age plays a major role in molding the social clock. Age specified laws and social policies can predetermine a nation or culture’s social clock and control certain life events.
The Micro System
Later Marriage or Avoidance of Marriage
Your kin is your first social connection to the world. Your most influential connection until you’re able to attend school. Sometimes siblings or parents lose spouses through death or divorce or other extreme separations. Many times, even coincidently, more than one member of your kin experiences separation from their spouse. It’s devastating to the ones who aren’t married and can cause these individuals to have second thoughts about matrimony or just avoid it all together, for they fear to fall into the same tragic trap. The pain that is linked to losing a mate is much more than the fear of marriage itself.
Later marriage can also result from what priorities your family has, such as finishing your education, or acquiring a good-paying job, or marrying other family members off before it’s your turn. But of course, all boats (family members) on the loading dock (in the home) must perceive the same bait (priorities), to make the plan fall through.
In western families, especially suburbia families, people are apt on settling their careers and achieving their goals (be they business or pleasure) before settling down with a family. This can include pursuing a four-year degree, landing a job with full benefits or successful career, having money saved up for marriage, the ability and status to buy a home if necessary, traveling across the world, or other life quests. The term “living life to the fullest” often excludes responsibilities of other people and is centered to fulfilling one’s own dreams.
In a South Asian family the oldest sibling may marry much later, if one or both of the parents are deceased, and he or she takes the responsibility of marrying off the other siblings first. This is very common with lower/ middle class families because of social pressures. Higher education is also becoming more and more common in middle and upper class families, which compels students to push marriage off to a later time, especially for women. The reason for this is many women are not supported to continue their education after marriage because looking after a husband and/or household is priority #1, but this is not true for all.
In fact I myself as a South Asian am an example of a wife and mother who finished my college degree, successfully and with full support from my husband and in-laws.
Early Marriage
Why do many South Asian parents pressure young adults to think about marriage? Well, though marriage is a huge deal, there are other life events that parents want to prevent and protect in the coming future. Young adults are usually the most common prey for drugs, violence, crime and exploitation. It’s a true fact and common even in the most affluent parts of the world. These are the types of unpredictable events parents want to avoid, especially if they’re in a foreign land amongst unknown culture and language barriers. It’s why marriage is seen as a covenant that protects young minds from these lewd acts. It’s not always true, but it does put ease to the minds of parents who seek safety and good for their offspring in today’s world.
Another life event that sits in the back of the average South Asian’s mind is their own future… when they become too old and dependent of physical and emotional support. The sooner a child marries, the more likely he or she is to settle down financially and literally, and the sooner they are able to provide support to their parents, when and if they need it.
—- This is another cultural difference—-
In western culture, a good lot of parents may not mind if their children marry later in life, especially if they are accomplishing other life goals. But it’s not just because of these goals, that parents let loose, it’s also about enjoying their own retirement in the future, and not having to depend on their offspring.
I met a very inspiring lady during one of my undergrad internships. She was a retired widowed woman who would come in to the resource center I interned at about 2 days a week. She’d stay for 4 hours each day and help with phone consultations and other agency work. We became friends quickly because of her cheery and most energetic lifestyle. Now you might be picturing some thin, athletic 65-year-old from a commercial like Lipitor, but she was just the opposite. Simply put, she fit the perfect description of a classic American grandmother. Chubby figure, short hair, wrinkled skin, but a charming smile. She was all around beautiful. This woman was part of a group through the gerontology department on my campus, as I came to find out. She played tennis every other day, visited other elderly people, took classes to learn other languages and different subjects. She traveled to distant places every few weeks and kept herself entertained. It really made me look at myself and where I’d be at the age of 65. Many elderly in the west live like this, but of course not all. Still, in comparison to the South Asian elderly, they have quite the upbeat approach.
In homes across South Asia, a good batch of elderly folk, especially those able-bodied and willful, sit back and hope for death to come quick and sweetly. It’s a tune many even joke about. They indulge in the comforts of their children’s home and for this reason, if not others, they seek a mate for these children at such young ages. It is customary for elderly to be less active and more modest in their lifestyle; to even go as far as feeling older than they really are. A lot of it may also have to do with the hard work they subdued during their own youth, the overload of micro and macro expectations that burden many 3rd world citizens. At the end of it all, elderly in less-accommodated lifestyles, ask for more rest and less excitement.
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Melanz Magazine 
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